Enterprise, Alabama — A priest fresh out of the seminary almost drowned a new parishioner during a routine baptism earlier today.
“I just wasn’t ready for it,” the new Christian convert recalls of his harrowing experience with the unexpected full immersion baptism. “The Bible says we’re baptized into Christ’s death. But how literal is that supposed to be?”
The offending priest pointed to his lack of experience as a defense. “I’m new! I forgot that we don’t normally do full immersion baptisms.” The priest is an evangelical-to-Catholic convert and didn’t have any hands-on practice with the Sacrament.
The priest indicated that he regretted the near-death experience he had brought on to the individual.
No charges were filed.
[Satire alert! All POPNews articles are satire and are meant only in fun.]
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