Washington D.C. — Pope Francis landed at Joint Base Andrews earlier today, greeted by President Obama, the Archbishop of Washington D.C. Cardinal Wuerl, and an assortment of other ecclesiastical and political leaders. Halfway through his greeting line, however, the Holy Father suddenly froze with a flustered look on his face, having realized he left his phone charger back in Cuba.

“Flibbety jibbet…” is a rough translation from the Spanish of what bystanders heard Francis mutter under his breath. Pope Francis continued making his way through the line, though it was clear from his face that his mind was elsewhere.

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President Obama made small talk with the pontiff as he walked him to his motorcade, but the Pope interrupted him: “I’m sorry, this is going to sound weird, but do you happen to have an iPhone charger? I must have left mine back in my room in Cuba, and my phone is already down to…” he checked his phone, “17%!”

The pontiff admitted he would have more power left if he hadn’t played Minecraft: Pocket Edition on the flight over, but that it didn’t matter because “there’s no way I’ll make it through the week, and I’m expecting an important text message from a friend.” The president felt his coat pockets and said he didn’t have one on him. Nearby secret service agents explained they all had Android phones.

Once in his car, the Holy Father requested the driver stop at a nearby Apple store. However, once inside he was dismayed at the price of a new charger. “$40 for a new charger! That’s outrageous.”

“I know I could get one for half that much on Amazon,” he explained, though he said he wasn’t sure if his Amazon Prime account would work in the U.S. “Besides, I need one today.”

The pontiff reportedly decided to buy the new charger anyway, but told bystanders, “This is definitely making it into my next encyclical.”

[Satire alert! All POPNews articles are satire and are meant only in fun.]

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