From my heart, to all women considering placing their child with an adoptive family:
1) Thank you!
Thank you for taking the time to seriously consider this option. It’s not easy, but it demonstrates how much you care about the life of your child. Thank goodness pregnancy is typically nine months and not nine weeks. Taking the time to consider an adoption plan is admirable – even though not everyone will agree.
2) Please talk to your family about adoption
Tell them you are considering it, and see what they say. You may hear, “no, you are not placing that child with an adoptive family. We’ll help you parent.”
If you hear those words or something like them, consider parenting. Not everyone has that support, it’s a blessing and it probably means you are in a place where you can parent – even if you don’t see that yet.
3) Please talk to people outside of the adoption world about the decision
There are ethical adoption agencies out there who have extremely caring individuals that work there, but their job and their business depend on women placing their babies with adoptive families. I’m not saying don’t talk to them. I am saying talk to other people too.
Go to a crisis pregnancy center or a school counselor. Most medical insurances cover counseling, so calling a local counselor is not a bad idea. Talk to someone at your church or place of worship. The more you talk to other people about your thoughts, you’ll hear your own thoughts louder.
4) Talk to other women who have placed their children with adoptive families
Ask them how they feel about their decision. Ask them if they have an open adoption, and how that works for them. Ask them what you should expect if you do choose that road.
This is where an adoption agency may be helpful, or the other people you talk to (see number 3). You never know, someone may know someone. Ask any question you have – don’t hold back!
5) Visualize the perfect family for your child
Get a pen and paper and write down everything you see. Even if it’s, “I want the mom to have blonde hair.” Every detail you envision is important. If you want your child to be the only child – or you want your child to have a big brother – write it down. Do you want the parents to ride bikes, go to church, play an instrument, be funny . . . whatever it is, write it down!
This will help you when you start looking at profiles. You’ll find there are a lot of families who are hoping to adopt. My husband and I are one in a million ;)
6) Do not for one second think, “My baby is going to be born sick, no one will want to adopt him or her”
Our son was sick as a newborn. At first, all we were told was, “he’s very sick”. Just a few months ago I heard from a nurse who cared for him in the hospital – she was worried he wasn’t going to make it!
Guess what – there has never been happier and more excited parents than Matt and me! And you know what else, that “very sick” baby – is a healthy, happy, smart and silly 3 year old boy today!
7) Please do not base any decision on fear
If you are in a relationship that causes you to fear, please know that there are places you can stay until you get on your feet. Yes, even if you are pregnant.
Many pro-life organizations will help you find a place, and the ones in our area (Philadelphia) run homes that not only house you, but will help you make a plan to live independently. Two of these organizations that can help you are Guiding Star Ministries and A Baby’s Breath.
8) If you are battling addiction, please consider open adoption over the system
Go back to number 2 on this one. If your family is more than willing to help, the system is not a terrible idea. If your family is not in a place to help you, please consider an adoption plan. Also, go back to number 6 . . . believe me, there are families who will love your child. My husband and I are just one of them.
9) Please consider us!
Matt and I truly LOVE being parents. Our son is such a compassionate loving boy – he will make a great big brother! You can learn more about us at our website and on Facebook. If we are not the family you have envisioned, don’t worry – that family is out there!
Here are two websites where you can find other waiting families: Your Adoption Gateway and AdoptBrite. Remember, if you are working with an adoption agency, and none of the profiles they show you make you excited – keep looking! It’s important that you be excited about the family you choose!
10) Don’t forget to pray!
Ask God for guidance, ask Him for peace of mind, and ask Him every question you have on your mind. Look for His answers in “holy” people and places. Ask Him to make His will obvious to you. He will answer.
Lastly, thank you for taking the time to read this post. I pray these words brought you some peace of mind! I hope no matter what you choose for you and your baby that you think of your future with hope and happiness. May God bless you on this journey.
[See also: 11 Things St. Zelie Martin Taught Me About Sainthood As a Mother]
[See also: The Postcard St. Padre Pio Sent My Mother – & Its Many Miracles]