When it comes to modern romance, looking for guidance from a Catholic priest might not be your first instinct. But Father Dominic Legge’s “hot takes” on dating cut straight through the noise of modern swipe-culture with a refreshing mix of common sense, realism, and profound respect for the human heart.
Whether you're navigating the apps or trying to figure out how to move past the awkward first-date phase, here are four no-nonsense dating rules straight from the collar.
1. If you like her, ask her out
It sounds painfully simple, but Father Dominic’s golden rule is all about initiative. In a world full of ambiguous text threads and over-analyzing, the cure is clarity.
“Rule number one is for the guys, uh, if you like her, ask her out because nothing else gets off the ground if you don't do that.”
2. Ditch the ‘Soulmate on Day One’ pressure
Stop treating the first date like a high-stakes job interview for your future spouse. Father Dominic points out the danger of putting too much pressure on a first encounter to find instant perfection, reminding us that real bonds take time to grow:
“Don't put so much pressure on the first date... to try and find the perfect romantic partner. A marriage is built from a friendship. And so, start dating by trying to build a friendship with someone.”
And in our post-pandemic era, for those wondering how to build a friendship, the Dominican priest says:
“How do you build a friendship? You do things together. You look for common interests. Uh and you develop a kind of, you know, affinity and affection over time. So, you know, it's not going to be perfect on day one. In fact, a friendship gets better over time the more you share with the person.”
3. Keep the end goal in sight (intention matters)
Dating isn't just an endless hobby; ultimately, it’s aiming at something greater: a lifelong partnership oriented toward family life. While being casual has its place when you're younger, drifting aimlessly misses the mark:
“Well, ultimately we're talking about marriage, which is a procreative friendship. So it's a friendship that needs to be a real friendship, a deep and lifelong friendship that is also oriented towards children and family life... You need to orient your dating around the future family life that you're hoping to have with someone.”
4. Keep physical boundaries intact to protect your heart
This might be the ultimate hot take: keeping physical boundaries isn't just about rules — it's about emotional self-preservation. Getting physical too early creates a false sense of attachment before a real foundation is built:
“Make sure that the physical side of the relationship stays in bounds because that is the fastest way to get into trouble. The heart will be entangled if the relationship starts to get physical too early... And if you haven't built that friendship, and if this is not the kind of person you are going to want to spend your life with and raise children with, then getting entangled like that is just going to cause enormous heartache.”
Who knew a Catholic priest would give better dating advice than your group chat? Now go forth, keep your physical boundaries, and for goodness’ sake — just ask her out already!
If you want to learn more about Father Dominic's dating advice, his own vocation story after spending years working as an attorney for the Department of Justice, and more about St. Thomas Aquinas, check out the full Napa Institute video here: