We are accustomed to praying by asking.
In what often becomes a one-sided dialogue with God, we speak to Him about our needs, worries, and difficulties—and most of the time, we focus very little on Him and much more on ourselves.
When the Lord invited His disciples to follow Him, He did not give them a list of instructions; He invited them to be with Him (Mk 3:13–14). The first thing we must understand, then, is that our prayer life is about being with Jesus—spending time with Him and allowing Him to speak to our hearts.
Beyond Technique or Method
When we begin to pray, external techniques or methods can help facilitate this encounter: posture, imagining the setting, vocal prayer, and so on. But these aids can become limiting when we allow them to become the focus.
Little by little, if we persevere in spending time with Jesus—and not merely in following methods—we discover a desire to go deeper, to make our encounter with Him more intimate and personal. Our souls become more united with God and long to remain with Him.
This is what we call contemplative prayer.
Contemplative prayer focuses more on God—on who He is and what He desires to give us—than on what we might accomplish by setting aside time for prayer. In contemplation, God is at the center.
Letting Go of Goals and Objectives
We do not go to prayer to achieve a result; we go to build a loving relationship. Loving relationships are not instrumental—they are an end in themselves. When we understand prayer as a relationship of love, we rejoice simply in the presence of the Other, even when we receive nothing tangible in return.
For this reason, in contemplative prayer it matters little whether we are focused, use a good technique, or feel consolation. What matters is the union of our soul with God.
Saint Teresa of Avila teaches us that we should not approach prayer seeking a pleasant feeling, but rather with a firm determination to unite ourselves with Jesus.
At times, it can be difficult to keep our thoughts fixed on God, and no matter how hard we try, our minds wander. In those moments, we must remember that we are still there with Jesus—even in distraction. We should not be discouraged, but instead unite ourselves to Him from the depths of our hearts. The greatest temptation is to believe we are wasting time, because as long as we pray with a willing heart, nothing is ever lost.
Go to the Center
The key, then, is to focus less on ourselves and devote more attention to Jesus and His desires. Prayer is, above all, about seeking to know what God wants from us and desiring to do it. When we try to make prayer merely a gratifying or energizing experience, the focus subtly shifts from God to our own well-being.
That is why prayer calls us to prioritize God’s desire to be with us and our desire to please Him—just as we often do with the people we love. Christian happiness has little to do with what the world today defines as happiness: a state of personal comfort or well-being. Gospel happiness is found in self-giving, unconditional love, and seeking the good of others.
As Saint John of the Cross reminds us, we must approach prayer with the desire to go beyond all knowledge.
Our encounter with God surpasses every feeling and thought. These can give us a glimpse of who God is, but they can never fully reveal Him. God is infinitely more—and He desires to reveal Himself to us in the depths of our hearts.